As a 32 year old straight male confronting and bringing up my sexual assaults has been one of the hardest memories to come to terms with but also a great power to face them head on and rid myself of all that manifested into my life from such pain that was forced upon me.

Around the age of 20/21 I was finishing a tour of Scotland with a show in Glasgow. A good female friend of the group came along and brought a male gay friend with her. After the show ended everyone was drinking and enjoying an end of tour party back at our female friends house. Nearing the end of the party i was out on the apartment balcony and spoke with the Gay Male about his struggles and hardship growing up with a dad who didn’t agree with his life path of being a homosexual. After having this conversation I went back inside and left him there. By this time myself and my band mates were setting up our sleeping stuff to crash on sofas and floors. After passing out in a drunken haze I wake up to said Male with his head under my sheets performing non-consensual oral on me. I completely froze and didn’t know how to react, later in therapy I learnt that the human body in these situations either goes into Fight, Flight or Freeze. Once he had finished I got up and ran to the toilet where i locked the door and passed out. The next thing i know my friends are bashing on the door asking why I was in the toilet. I Only told them half of the story until a few years ago when I had to come to terms with it fully as this toxic over dominating masculine energy kept returning in my life in different forms. This man is still at large and I have never confronted him but I have confronted that which manifested from him and rid it from world. Now I am claiming my voice back I urge others to dive deep and feel through the pain as the healing really begins when you start to speak out.