Tainted Memories

Let me set the scene here. I’m a (nearly) 44 year old mum of two that has been passionate about house music since a teenager. Trotting my merry little butt up and down the country to various raves and events, following all my favourite artists. I ended up in uni in Manchester where the scene was obviously rich in music nights and not forgetting the legendary Haçienda. One night in there I was happily dancing away with a group of pals that had travelled up to visit for the weekend to revel in the house music glory of Greame Park. Had this creepy guy stalk me all around the dance floor most of the night. He followed us all over the shop. In the end my attitude was very much ahhh f*** it let him perv cos he’s not going to back off. Around ten minutes later, I felt a wet and warm sensation running down the back of my legs. The dirty b******* had masturbated all down the back of my ripped jeans. I kicked off. I got thrown out. As did my friends. I’ve never forgotten. My fondest memories of an iconic place tainted by that. Makes me sick to even remember it. So I stand with your movement. It’s not ok. 

 Oh and I have a young daughter. My days are filled with fear.

Serial Abuser

I was a girlfriend of the owner of a techno label in Buenos Aires in 2015. We lived together in my house. We started having a couple of little arguments, and he would always get angry and break something or push me.

Until one day (8-16-15), when he took me by my arms and threw me headlong to the floor. I had a momentary loss of consciousness. When I woke up he was yelling at me “Calm down crazy !! Calm down” as he held my arms (I just wanted to put my hands to my head because of the strong pain). Then he released me, and I went to take refuge on a sofa, while he kept yelling at me “You deserve it for treating me badly!”

I immediately called 911 and they took him handcuffed and detained to police station 47, and I was taken by ambulance to the Zubizarreta Hospital. They diagnosed me with “closed ECT with loss of consciousness” and left me hospitalized for 12 hours. Later I made a complaint for injuries and gender violence. He currently has a criminal case for this, but he is still free and after me.

There was another victim in April 2020, who also denounced him for having thrown her head on the floor.

Assault at the Afters

Today I decide to tell my story because I want to get rid of everything that I kept and erased from my mind on purpose when I was unconsciously in pain inside. I also do this for the survivors, because we are no longer staying quiet, and because I don’t want this to happen to another woman again. Last year I met a DJ in his promotion in Ohito, Buenos Aires (a hostel where some promotions have parties and some artists also live). I used to frequent this place with my friends. He always approached me greeting me. He put me on his guest list and I always got the impression he wanted more, as he was very suggestive. A couple of times he kissed me and I accepted because he was very insistent, and he always wanted something more to happen, sending me messages saying that he was going to fuck me at the after party, which made me uncomfortable. And when he was at Ohito he insisted that we go to his room but I made excuses because I did NOT want to. One day I left my things in his room, but I wanted to leave before the end of the after party, so I asked him if I could go get them. He walked me in and I went in and then he closed the door. He automatically threw himself on top of me to kiss me. I laughed because I got very nervous, I said NO, he didn’t give in. I went into his bathroom to put on a T-shirt to go outside (because it was cold), he followed me in to the bathroom insisting, and he started touching my whole body. He pulled his penis out in front of me and grabbed my hand for me to touch it. To which I always said NO, NO to everything because I did not know how to get rid of him, I got very nervous and the situation scared me, I finished changing and I left as quickly as I could. From then on my mind completely blocked this fact, because I had a very bad time and I no longer wanted to remember it, because I blamed myself for it, blamed myself for having agreed to kiss him without wanting to and for having gone alone to his room to look for my stuff. Later I realized that no matter how much we kissed, and we had a good time, I did not give him permission over me or my body, when I repeatedly said no, he did care about my plea’s and putting me in that situation, when I just wanted to change and go home.

End of Tour Assault

As a 32 year old straight male confronting and bringing up my sexual assaults has been one of the hardest memories to come to terms with but also a great power to face them head on and rid myself of all that manifested into my life from such pain that was forced upon me.

Around the age of 20/21 I was finishing a tour of Scotland with a show in Glasgow. A good female friend of the group came along and brought a male gay friend with her. After the show ended everyone was drinking and enjoying an end of tour party back at our female friends house. Nearing the end of the party i was out on the apartment balcony and spoke with the Gay Male about his struggles and hardship growing up with a dad who didn’t agree with his life path of being a homosexual. After having this conversation I went back inside and left him there. By this time myself and my band mates were setting up our sleeping stuff to crash on sofas and floors. After passing out in a drunken haze I wake up to said Male with his head under my sheets performing non-consensual oral on me. I completely froze and didn’t know how to react, later in therapy I learnt that the human body in these situations either goes into Fight, Flight or Freeze. Once he had finished I got up and ran to the toilet where i locked the door and passed out. The next thing i know my friends are bashing on the door asking why I was in the toilet. I Only told them half of the story until a few years ago when I had to come to terms with it fully as this toxic over dominating masculine energy kept returning in my life in different forms. This man is still at large and I have never confronted him but I have confronted that which manifested from him and rid it from world. Now I am claiming my voice back I urge others to dive deep and feel through the pain as the healing really begins when you start to speak out.

Violent DJ

This episode happened on a day back in April of this year (2020) we just woke up and started arguing. My abuser was my then boyfriend who works as a DJ and producer and also owner of a record label based here in Buenos Aires. At some point in the argument he grabbed my arms, lifted me up in the air and threw me headfirst to the ground. I hit my head (3 days with migraine), while he was doing this and throughout the fight, he would yell at me “I AM NOT VIOLENT, I AM NOT A SHIT, I AM NOT VIOLENT, I AM NOT A SHIT” in a loop and non-stop the entire time I was lying on the floor (I never said violent or shit to him, and in fact I am not to yell or insult in discussions). When I was crying and asking him to please let me go so I could check my injury and wet my head in the bathroom, telling him that it hurt a lot, CRYING, he got on top of me and grabbed my neck with both hands and then grabbed my feet as if he was going to drag me, releasing them hard by hitting them against the wall. After this and still screaming the same thing, he grabbed me by the leg and wrist, lifted me in the air and threw me on the bed where he climbed on top of me immobilizing my legs with his and grabbing me by both wrists while putting his face in front of mine yelling “YOU MAKE ME HATE YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT VIOLENT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?” As he pushed and held me against the bed. I said yes, I understand, I was still crying so he told me “don’t look at me with that horrified face” and it got worse. He kept yelling the same thing at me.

After having me immobilized me like that and yelling at me like that, I finally asked him to please let me go because I was scared and my head hurt a lot and I wanted to go to the bathroom to wet it. I tried to calm down and answer him that yes, I understood that he was not violent. He let go of me and kept kicking and hitting things and yelling all over the house. I wet my head and wanted to go out. He wouldn’t let me, he tore my cell phone out of my hand and threw it on the bed, he wouldn’t let me go, he told me I wasn’t going anywhere. That he was leaving. I asked him to please let me go, I was just going for a bike ride. That I needed air. He wouldn’t let me pass, he grabbed me, pushed me, put his body in front of me, he wanted to hug me (??) Finally I decided to hug him, shaking and crying so that he would let me leave my house and he eventually let me pass reluctantly pushing me. I took out my bike and cycled away and didn’t come back. He called me all day but i didn’t answer, at night he started calling my friends saying that if they knew anything about me because “I had gone crazy and I told him I was going for a ride and didn’t come back” He sent me messages saying “You can’t have me like this, I’m worried, you can’t leave and leave me like this without knowing anything about you. ” When I replied that he had screwed my head, he began to say that I put him like that, that I brought out the worst in him and things like that. In an audio message he even told me that this was an “accident” that could be repeated or worse. I asked him to leave and the following messages ranged from “no one is going to love you like me, you’re going to miss me” to “you’re a fucking psychopath you just want to make me suffer.” I’m just going to say that this was the last and worst violence I received from him. That this grew until it reached what I am telling today.

I have all the conversations since we started dating. I have all the necessary proofs of what I am saying. I have publicly shared his name and the evidence. I just don’t want to make a morbid post but more of a warning so that the next girl isn’t attacked or worse.

I also have a restraining order of 300 meters and an anti-panic button that was given to me on the spot when I made the complaint due to it’s seriousness and later, the restriction order was raised to 600 meters by order of the judge. But it is all us victims get in our country. The violent abusers remain free.

The events that I related to above occurred in my own home, the home I allowed him in to, paid all the bills so he could focus and dedicate fully to his music on and on that same day I separated from him.

There was no reason for this argument and subsequent assault, we just got up and he started arguing and it all ended that way. From that day until now he is still free and slandering me on his networks.