End of Tour Assault

As a 32 year old straight male confronting and bringing up my sexual assaults has been one of the hardest memories to come to terms with but also a great power to face them head on and rid myself of all that manifested into my life from such pain that was forced upon me.

Around the age of 20/21 I was finishing a tour of Scotland with a show in Glasgow. A good female friend of the group came along and brought a male gay friend with her. After the show ended everyone was drinking and enjoying an end of tour party back at our female friends house. Nearing the end of the party i was out on the apartment balcony and spoke with the Gay Male about his struggles and hardship growing up with a dad who didn’t agree with his life path of being a homosexual. After having this conversation I went back inside and left him there. By this time myself and my band mates were setting up our sleeping stuff to crash on sofas and floors. After passing out in a drunken haze I wake up to said Male with his head under my sheets performing non-consensual oral on me. I completely froze and didn’t know how to react, later in therapy I learnt that the human body in these situations either goes into Fight, Flight or Freeze. Once he had finished I got up and ran to the toilet where i locked the door and passed out. The next thing i know my friends are bashing on the door asking why I was in the toilet. I Only told them half of the story until a few years ago when I had to come to terms with it fully as this toxic over dominating masculine energy kept returning in my life in different forms. This man is still at large and I have never confronted him but I have confronted that which manifested from him and rid it from world. Now I am claiming my voice back I urge others to dive deep and feel through the pain as the healing really begins when you start to speak out.

Violent DJ

This episode happened on a day back in April of this year (2020) we just woke up and started arguing. My abuser was my then boyfriend who works as a DJ and producer and also owner of a record label based here in Buenos Aires. At some point in the argument he grabbed my arms, lifted me up in the air and threw me headfirst to the ground. I hit my head (3 days with migraine), while he was doing this and throughout the fight, he would yell at me “I AM NOT VIOLENT, I AM NOT A SHIT, I AM NOT VIOLENT, I AM NOT A SHIT” in a loop and non-stop the entire time I was lying on the floor (I never said violent or shit to him, and in fact I am not to yell or insult in discussions). When I was crying and asking him to please let me go so I could check my injury and wet my head in the bathroom, telling him that it hurt a lot, CRYING, he got on top of me and grabbed my neck with both hands and then grabbed my feet as if he was going to drag me, releasing them hard by hitting them against the wall. After this and still screaming the same thing, he grabbed me by the leg and wrist, lifted me in the air and threw me on the bed where he climbed on top of me immobilizing my legs with his and grabbing me by both wrists while putting his face in front of mine yelling “YOU MAKE ME HATE YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT VIOLENT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?” As he pushed and held me against the bed. I said yes, I understand, I was still crying so he told me “don’t look at me with that horrified face” and it got worse. He kept yelling the same thing at me.

After having me immobilized me like that and yelling at me like that, I finally asked him to please let me go because I was scared and my head hurt a lot and I wanted to go to the bathroom to wet it. I tried to calm down and answer him that yes, I understood that he was not violent. He let go of me and kept kicking and hitting things and yelling all over the house. I wet my head and wanted to go out. He wouldn’t let me, he tore my cell phone out of my hand and threw it on the bed, he wouldn’t let me go, he told me I wasn’t going anywhere. That he was leaving. I asked him to please let me go, I was just going for a bike ride. That I needed air. He wouldn’t let me pass, he grabbed me, pushed me, put his body in front of me, he wanted to hug me (??) Finally I decided to hug him, shaking and crying so that he would let me leave my house and he eventually let me pass reluctantly pushing me. I took out my bike and cycled away and didn’t come back. He called me all day but i didn’t answer, at night he started calling my friends saying that if they knew anything about me because “I had gone crazy and I told him I was going for a ride and didn’t come back” He sent me messages saying “You can’t have me like this, I’m worried, you can’t leave and leave me like this without knowing anything about you. ” When I replied that he had screwed my head, he began to say that I put him like that, that I brought out the worst in him and things like that. In an audio message he even told me that this was an “accident” that could be repeated or worse. I asked him to leave and the following messages ranged from “no one is going to love you like me, you’re going to miss me” to “you’re a fucking psychopath you just want to make me suffer.” I’m just going to say that this was the last and worst violence I received from him. That this grew until it reached what I am telling today.

I have all the conversations since we started dating. I have all the necessary proofs of what I am saying. I have publicly shared his name and the evidence. I just don’t want to make a morbid post but more of a warning so that the next girl isn’t attacked or worse.

I also have a restraining order of 300 meters and an anti-panic button that was given to me on the spot when I made the complaint due to it’s seriousness and later, the restriction order was raised to 600 meters by order of the judge. But it is all us victims get in our country. The violent abusers remain free.

The events that I related to above occurred in my own home, the home I allowed him in to, paid all the bills so he could focus and dedicate fully to his music on and on that same day I separated from him.

There was no reason for this argument and subsequent assault, we just got up and he started arguing and it all ended that way. From that day until now he is still free and slandering me on his networks.

What it’s like to be a woman in a male dominated industry

In the first place, all my career I had to deal with the inevitable question: what is it like to be a woman in a male dominated industry? My natural strategy was, at the time, to respond face to face to unacceptable behaviors I was confronted to, but keep low profile in public about it. It worked, that’s how I gained respect from my peers. But it was not enough. It kept on going globally for other women. I experienced rape, sexual harassment & discrimination. Touring with a male producer as part of a duo, he could see I was sometimes not treated equally. Being harassed, instead of getting help, the surrounding would laugh, because that was the norm. We didn’t have a chance to have our feelings, disagreement, pain, taken seriously. I am testifying to encourage everyone, men and women, to NEVER accept anything we don’t agree with and talk about it. The #metoo movement helped me to liberate my voice and overcome traumas BECAUSE IT DOESN’T DEFINE ME and NEVER WILL. And to sincerely thank all the good men and women around me who encouraged me from day one, I wouldn’t be here without you.

The Sound Engineer

I’m from Buenos Aires, Argentina. I worked for a time at one of the most popular night clubs, it was here I met the sound engineer and resident DJ of the club. I began to receive all kinds of harassment from him on social media, inviting me to have sex with his girlfriend, to which I replied that I did NOT want to.

One day at an after party, where he was with his girlfriend too, he began telling me that he wanted to have sex with me and her, again, insisting, when I had already told him that I did not want to. In front of many people who were there, he began to touch my legs and put his hand inside my skirt, telling me that “I was pretty”, “beautiful”, “sexy”. I sneakily pulled out his hand because I was ashamed of the situation that was happening. At one point I went to the bathroom, because I did not feel well, and taking advantage of my state, he came in behind me, cornered me, and began to tell me that “he wanted to fuck me” “please” that “he was going to call his girlfriend to come and have a threesome.” I told him “NO”, I always said NO, “please let me out.” He put his hands inside my skirt and inside my shirt. I didn’t know how to react at that moment and I don’t know how, but I managed to get rid of his hands and ran away and left the after party.

Two days later, he spoke to me with an excuse, as if nothing had happened, no matter how I felt about what happened. To which I made it clear that if he took advantage of my condition again, I was going to report him. He apologized and told me that something like this had never happened to him, that he was very high, and that he would never do it again. I blamed myself for a whole year, for having worn a skirt, or for being alone at a party, or for being drunk. But then I found out about other girls who had been abused by this person too, and I started contacting them to get this out. When he found out that I was going to make my experience public, I began to receive all kinds of threats from him and his girlfriend, ands also victimizing himself and telling me that his son was sick and hospitalized, all this so that I would not tell the experience that I had with him.

When I finally decided to tell my story publicly on Facebook, many girls were also encouraged to tell similar situations that they too had with this person, and with other DJs and producers of the techno scene in Argentina.
The worst of all was that the club staff knew what kind of person he was and did nothing, they decided to cover it up. People who worked with the owner went to tell him about the situation of that I experienced by my abuser, but he decided to continue working with him even though he already knew that my abuser had a restraining order issued by his previous partner. Only when all the accusations were made public did they decide to remove this person from the club.

Two Co-Promoters, Two Sexual Assaults

My abuser is a co-promoter from a night in Buenos Aires (I worked there so I knew him) and was on the DJ roster, he also was teaching private DJ classes, so I went to take one on one classes with him at his home. I previously had encounters with him, but I didn’t take it seriously, like I was afraid, to lose my job or something like that. One day at a class he puts his hand in my pants, I didn’t know what to do so I kept playing at the CDJS like nothing happened. Another day he pulled his penis out in a middle of a class, saying: “that’s how it gets when I see your Instagram photos and your butt”. Then he started sending me photos and videos touching himself without asking my permission to do so. Once he took me to the bedroom and start kissing me, claiming that he will penetrate me in the mouth, because according to him that’s what I wanted. He also told me that I was only able to grow in my career because of the club night and with his help, that I will be nothing without them. It’s clear that this knocked my self-esteem, self security, etc.

I had another encounter with another man I also know from the same club night, he was really close to my abuser and the companies owner. One time at an after party we were chilling in a house, having a blast, drinking, etc but it was supposed to be a safe place huh? I went to the bathroom and this second guy from the club night went behind me, he put me against the wall and started to kiss me, then he started to touch me, saying that we were going to have sex, I said no, because I was high AF and I didn’t want to, he insisted for too long, I kept saying no, and when I was too tired to argue, I told him to grab a condom at least, someone entered the bathroom and I escaped. He also sent me texts asking to pick me up to have sex, and things like this, he would continue to force kisses on me at parties, like out of nowhere he appeared and did this a lot of times.