I have been a producer for many years and my worst nightmares started when I moved to Berlin and got in touch with the members of the Berlin dark/ebm scene. First of all I want to mention that something is really wrong in that scene that is only dominated by white men and is ruled by abusers, rapists, bullies and harasser’s and it is an open secret but nobody seems to care, while the girls suffer from their horrible behavior. My story revolves around two people who made my life a living hell the last few years.

One is the owner of a famous record label, who is a manipulator and abuser who disappointed many women. He told me that I could release on his label while he was flirting with me, and I worked hard on my release, he didn’t care about my music but flirted with me. I once managed to talk to him and ask him why he can’t behave like a professional with me, and he told me that he does it on purpose to annoy me because that power game seems to turn him on. I worked for his record company on different tasks and he kept coming back with these mind games that made me fall over mentally, because I just wanted to do my job as a musician by not playing games where I felt sexually humiliated and insulted.

The second person who went far was a producer from the same environment as the previous person who would harass me sexually, and after I called him out, he managed to silence me, of course money can do that. And all his friends started to intimidate me until I had to quit and give up music. They used to spread lies about me, reversing the story and making people mad at me. This person is still making his music career without feeling remorse for his horrible behavior with women. He was called out by many women in the same scene and his male colleagues have his back and support. That scene is ruled by people who abuse women, in different many ways and they cover each other to keep their music careers safe. I was many times target of their weird games, target of bullying and I have lost passion for that kind of music since then. I felt sexualised, humiliated and had to give up only because a group of men without values have the power.